I Got An STI In My Early 20s & Here's Everything An Expert Said I Should've Done Better
The stigma is real, folks!
The outside of St. Joseph's Health Centre in Toronto
Most people have no idea what they're doing in their early 20s — you're basically just a child that can drink and work.
At least, that's what I was like. If there were mistakes to be made, I made them.
This inescapable story played out in all aspects of my life from finances to my dating life, leading me to address the daunting headline staring us both in the face.
I made a bad call. I didn't protect myself and, like thousands of other young people in the province of Ontario, wound up getting an STI (sexually transmitted infection). Is it regrettable? Of course, but at the same time, I think we as a society need to overcome some of the harmful stigmas surrounding sex.
I spoke to a counselor from Sexual Health Ontario to track down the answers I wish I had six years ago — but better late than never, right?
Through this conversation, I was able to gain some knowledge that I hope is valuable to anyone who is dealing with — or has dealt with — a similar situation and pull together a list of things that an expert thought I could've done better during my time as a single lad.
Protect myself
I think condom commercials should just be footage of guys trying to put on the alien-like contraceptive device during their first sexual encounter. It simply cannot be done smoothly.
Turns out that wrapping a plastic bag around someone's head really kills the vibe of the party in your pants that everyone was invited to.
For this reason and more, I dumbly decided to forgo protection for a few years — and while this decision was always consensual, that doesn't make it any less stupid.
When I told my counsellor about my blatant recklessness, she immediately joked with me that she "felt a lecture" coming on and proceeded to gently scold me about all the dangers associated with behaving in such a way.
"I mean, I don't think that everybody's a [walking] STI. I don't think people [are] handing it up left, right and centre. But [the] more partners or unprotected sex you have, the more chances you have of picking up an STI, that's for sure," my counsellor told me.
Do we all know this deep down? Maybe, but it's always good to have a reminder.
Get checked more often
If you're going to engage in something as irresponsible as unprotected sex, you should at least have the decency to get yourself checked regularly. I did not do this, and I admit it was a scummy move. However, at the time, I foolishly believed that as long as I didn't have any symptoms, I must be in the clear. I was wrong.
Within minutes of talking to an expert, I learned that many people with herpes, chlamydia, and gonorrhea are completely asymptomatic. The expert mentioned, "There are no symptoms, so people don't even know what they have. If you're asymptomatic for a long time, it can cause difficulties later on in life for both women and men."
Knowing that I could have jeopardized not only my own well-being but also that of others by neglecting to take responsibility for my sexual health is something that still haunts me today.
The truth is, I felt that going to a clinic for such a matter would feel invasive and shameful. It's an understandable fear, but it's always better to address something than to ignore it, especially when it concerns your health.
Educate myself
My conversation with the sexual health expert made me feel like an idiot, not because they were rude or judgmental, but because the conversation was so enlightening that I wish I had had it 8 years ago. The hard facts would have been so much more helpful to me back then when I needed them.
In the present day, I'm happily settled in a domesticated life, so STIs aren't a concern for me anymore. However, I can't help but remember all the times I worried myself sick over something minor because I had the wrong perception of it.
I'm not ashamed to admit that it was when my partner and I first got together that we discovered one of us had transmitted an STI to the other. We brushed the whole thing off, got tested, and took the recommended antibiotics as soon as we realized.
However, it's a situation that can often shipwreck new relationships, and I can't imagine where I'd be in my life right now if something as treatable as chlamydia had ended our relationship.
My counselor warned me: 'So many people get into such crazy stuff with this, you know, who gave it to whom. They break up, and they don't even know how long they could have had it before they even got together.'"
Talk about STIs more openly
The stigma surrounding STIs is real. Maybe it's better now than it was, but no one wants to talk about it, including me. It's ironic coming from a guy who just wrote a whole article on the subject, I know. But the truth is, the whole thing makes me deeply uncomfortable, and I was squirming in my seat the whole time I was trying to write this.
I even experienced a moment of utter panic a few paragraphs back when I remembered what I was writing about and how all my friends and family were going to see it. But then I remembered that the whole point of this article is to address that exact shame — the kind that makes you avoid taking care of your own health for years.
The truth is, we have to start openly talking like this about it, in front of our friends and family, if we ever want things to become less taboo.
"To tell you the truth, [most of them] are just banal skin infections with stigma, that's all," my counselor said.
However, it's always better to be safe — and I know that now.