Two people holding hands.
Dating may have changed in the last decade, but class never goes out of style.
Proper etiquette is to be courteous, kind and respectful, but what's appropriate when it comes to dating in a modern world where traditional roles don't matter as much?
Everyone knows you should hold the door open for your date, but how long should you wait to reply to a text?
The hard and fast rules of dating have changed a lot – the old three-day rule of waiting to call is basically considered ghosting now, and the man doesn't always have to pay.
But who should pay on a date? What should you bring to meet your significant other's parents, and should you wait a certain amount of dates to have sex with someone?
Narcity reached out to etiquette expert Susy Fossati, the director of Avignon Etiquette, an etiquette consultancy in Toronto, to shine some light on the modern rules of etiquette.
Here are 11 rules of modern dating so you can be a graceful dater in every situation.
How long should you wait to text someone after a date?
A person in their bed texting.
People used to wait three days after a date to call, but nowadays, you have to send your follow-up text a whole lot sooner if you want to come off as interested.
Fossati says when you send your post-date text, it all depends on how into the person you actually are and what message you're trying to send – the earlier you send it, the more interested you seem.
If you saw someone in the morning, Fossati says a text by dinner time is appropriate, but if it was a late dinner date sending a text the following day is also appropriate.
But regardless, if you were into the date, Fossati says you should still send a follow-up message.
Is ghosting someone ever ok?
Ghosting is when instead of breaking things off with someone, you just stop replying to their texts or calls, and according to Fossati, it's never okay.
"This is the worst thing that has ever happened in the last few years," says Fossati. "Relationships don't always work out, but I think as a sign of respect from one person to the other, you do need to have transparency and honesty."
The message doesn't have to be long, but it does have to be communicated out of respect, according to Fossati.
Fossati says if you've been seeing someone in person, you should end things in person, but if you've just been texting, you can send the message over text that you're no longer interested.
How long should a first date be?
Some first dates can last hours – you get to talking, and suddenly drinks turn to dinner, and dinner turns into a late-night walk.
But Fossati says it's better to under-commit your time than over-commit on a first date.
She suggests grabbing a drink earlier in the night, and then if you are interested and there is some chemistry going, maybe grabbing dinner afterwards.
But if there's not, you can gracefully exit the date without having over-committed to a long evening.
Who should pay on a date?
Fossati says whoever asked the other person out on the date should pay and that gender no longer factors in.
"In modern etiquette, what's modern about it is that sort of traditional roles are now kind of weaselled out," she says.
The proper thing to do is pay for the date if you were the one who suggested it, although it is polite for the party who was invited to offer to cover the check.
So when the bill comes, you'll need to do a little song and dance where you both offer to cover the check, but whoever asked should politely decline their date's offer and pay the bill, according to Fossati.
Should you date multiple people at once?
If you haven't defined the relationship yet, you may be dating around, and that's okay, according to Fossati, as long as you are honest and transparent.
"In that pre-exclusive period, that's the general idea," says Fossati. "If I'm dating someone and it's just the first or second date, it wouldn't surprise me if they're also perhaps doing the same with other people. There's no expectation that they are or aren't."
So if you're in the early stages, it's safe to assume you're okay to see other people. Just make sure you and your partner are on the same page.
How many dates should you wait to ask someone to be exclusive?
When should you DTR? Defining the relationship comes at different times for every couple, depending on how much time you've spent together.
Fossati says around the two-month mark is a safe amount of time to ask someone to be exclusive.
"I think the important note here is that there's open communication and understanding that when you're asking someone to be exclusive, it means that you know enough about that person, and they know enough about you to respect their time enough to only ask when that's something you're committed to upholding."
So if you've spent a holiday or two with a person and you're both on the same page, it may be time to DTR.
How long should you wait to introduce someone to your family?
Bringing someone home to your parents is a big step in an adult relationship.
Fossati says you should only introduce someone to your family if you see the relationship sticking around for a while and you've already had the 'Are we exclusive?' talk.
So if you're getting serious with a partner and are ready to have your family and partner invest the time into bonding and creating a relationship, it may be time.
What should you bring to meet someones parents?
Bins of flowers.
If you get invited to meet someone's parents, you don't want to show up empty-handed.
"Never show up empty-handed... It's just a nice gesture of gratitude."
Fossati says you should take the time to pick out a thoughtful gift to make a good first impression, and the more personal, the better.
If their parents love art, maybe pick up a nice art-themed coffee table book, or if they're really into wine, bring a great bottle of vino to share over dinner.
(Just make sure they actually drink liquor before you go the booze route.)
What products should you have in your house for an overnight guest?
Two toothbrushes on a counter.
Congrats! You got someone to stay the night and possibly have sex with you! But if you want your overnight guest to return, you should follow a few rules of common courtesy.
Fossati says a home should always be hospitable and inviting to guests.
So for your overnight guest, you should have everything they need to make them feel comfortable and at home — whether that be a glass of wine, an extra toothbrush, coffee, or food for the following day.
I'd also add that you may want to have an extra clean towel and clean sheets if you're expecting company. (Also, for the love of god, please have more than one flat pillow on your bed.)
When should you leave in the morning after a hook up?
A bed with messy sheets.
So you stayed the night at someone else's place — do you get breakfast with your beau or silently creep out before they wake up?
When you should leave depends on the context of the situation, but Fossati says a good rule of thumb is to leave before noon in order to not overstay your welcome.
At this point, she says you may have woken up and been offered some coffee or breakfast, but after that's over, you'll want to wrap things up and allow your host to move on with their day.
How long should you wait to have sex?
If you grew up watching 2000s romantic comedies, you've probably heard of the three-date rule or the three-month rule for how long you should wait to have sex with someone new.
But Fossati says as long as both adults are consenting, there really isn't a perfect amount of time to wait, and it's really up to each person.
"Sometimes you just have an absolutely wonderful date, where you've spent the whole day together, it's just been magical. It's been going the right way. Perhaps you've chatted for weeks before that... like I say, etiquette is always about context."
This interview has been condensed and edited for clarity.